I'm going to be very honest with you: a few days ago, I had a meltdown.
Here's what happened: I remembered that my favorite musician, Josh Groban, would be in town on the 26th and 27th of August. Money's been tight, so when I thought about the cost of going to see him I felt that I had let myself down. I'm not in a place to drop any money on last-minute tickets.
But I couldn't stop thinking: he's going to be at the Greek Theatre, the same venue I watched him perform at on the DVD of his live album over ten years ago.
There was something so profound about me getting to that concert, but I was so wound up that I tried to force myself to accept that I just couldn't go. It was tearful.
How I started to let go
I decided that I needed some serious time to let go of all of the negative feelings that were bottling up in my head and my heart. I dropped in to a yoga class on Saturday to try to soothe myself.
My mantra for that class was simply let go. I wanted to let go of the sadness that not being able to go to the concert was causing. I wanted peace.
And then I let go.
But it did not look the way I expected it to.
The surprise of letting go
I didn't let go of the concert. I didn't let go of the FOMO that had overcome me on Friday.
Instead, I let go of the stress about money and purchased the tickets (on a credit card, sorry future Emily). And I have to say, it was something that my intuition wanted so deeply that now I'm in a whirlwind of relief and excitement.
When I was worried about money and making excuses not to go to the concert, I was actively pushing against the flow of my life. I knew that if I didn't go to this concert that I would regret it (I regret not seeing him over a decade ago when he was touring for my favorite album).
So why was I trying to convince myself this wasn't important to me?
This isn't about the concert
This isn't about Josh Groban, and it isn't about money either. It's been a lesson in finding my flow.
I realized how much resistance I built up to what should have been a natural flow: the concert means a lot to me so I make the sacrifices I need to make so that I can do what my intuition is telling me.
The alternative would have been me sitting at home on Friday night, feeling sad and resigning myself to work. Does anyone share my tendency to punish themselves instead of pursuing something that makes them happy (albeit a risk)?
This is about me getting over the resistance that my ego is constantly putting up, and finally trusting my intuition enough to make things happen at the right time and place.
Letting go is a lesson in letting it flow
So here's what I'm going to reflect on and work into my decisionmaking habits: when I face difficulty, I'm going to let go of the story my ego is making up and go with what my intuition is telling me instead.
I'm going to put more trust in the flow of my life.
I know that there are genuine times that my gut tells me to work tirelessly to pay the bills, so why can't I trust that intuition to kick in when it needs to? And why bother resisting it when the results are sad and regretful?
Next time you're faced with that stomach-twisting, throat-clenching stress about a decision, give this a try: let go of what that nagging voice is telling you in your head, and search for the answer that's lurking deeper in your body. I find my "intuition" somewhere between my heart and my stomach, but yours might be buried in your head under that egoic voice.
Wherever it is and whatever difficulty or crossroads you encounter, remember this:
Let it go, let it flow.