I picked up a second job at a yoga studio in October of last year, and it was everything I needed: human interaction, a reason to get out of the house, and free yoga. I helped run the front desk of the studio through the holidays, which meant that there was a 7-day span over Christmas that I worked there every single day.
I learned student's names. signed up newbies for their first classes, and (like a proud mama) signed those same students up for monthly memberships after they fell in love with our hot yoga studio.
In January I joined The Good Trade, an online publication dedicated to brands focusing on creating positive social and environmental impact, as the Assistant Editor. More on this in a future blog post, but I'm helping run the behind-the-scenes and social media so that the amazing Editor-In-Chief can focus on new avenues for growth.
It's a job in which I can invest both my values and my skills, and I am so thrilled to be a part of it.
Both amazing jobs, and both in addition to my bread-and-butter job of dealing with spreadsheets all day.
I had three jobs, and it still wasn't enough.
My time had stretched out in so many unusual ways that I began to make less money, while managing to be more mentally, emotionally and physically involved in work. And making less just made me angry at myself for not doing enough.
Turns out, beating yourself up for not doing enough, while simultaneously doing too much, is not sustainable.
I have been riding an emotional rollercoaster for three months - some days are amazing and filled with gratitude for these opportunities. But some days I cry about money, sleep, sex, yoga, cleanliness, and the indomitable acne on my face so often that I have my grievances memorized.
But each job had something to it that I cherished, and I didn't want to have to quit something because "I couldn't handle it."
On a side note - isn't it insane when you feel chastised for putting yourself and your well-being before something like a job or other obligation? Imagine this in my best whiny voice: it's just not fair!
So I had to let myself let myself go.
I realized that of the three jobs, I could leave the desk work at the yoga studio and still keep the relationship going with the community there. So, I did the bravest thing I've ever done and I sent a nice email to say I was quitting (jk, about the bravery guys).
Honestly, I could have done it in person, but every time I had a moment to do it, my courage disappeared and I realized how much I would probably have to cry before spitting it all out. I saved the waterworks and made the slightly unprofessional move of writing it all in an email.
I also feared that my decision to work as a volunteer (where I clean puddles of sweat in exchange for free yoga), wouldn't be enough to keep me as a part of the community. I didn't want to disappoint, so I kept putting it off. But when I finally sent that email...I was met with kindness.
There was so much more grace available to me than I had thought. My boss is a compassionate, nurturing woman who had my back 100%.
So I'm happy to say that my final day at the yoga studio front desk is next week! This was the first time I have ever quit a job without having "I'm moving" as the excuse, and it took a lot to admit that I just needed a break.
I'm so grateful to the time I spent at the desk there, where I was able to rebuild my confidence and start laying some roots here in Los Angeles. I actually think I have to thank my yoga studio for instilling the drive to put myself out there and apply to The Good Trade.
And now, to you.
What is it that you are holding on to right now that isn't serving you? Is there something you're hesitant to let go of?
If there is, give yourself boatloads of love and mountains of grace & self-forgiveness as you begin the process of letting it go. None of us can just "flip the switch" and become the perfect version of ourselves living the perfect version of our lives, so don't burden yourself with that expectation.
So let me know - is there something like this in your life right now? And how do you make the decision of when to hang on and when to let go?