The transition between summer and fall this year has been particularly jarring. My heart isn't ready to admit that we've entered into the tenth month of the year, and it's kind of thrown me for a loop. Do you feel it too?
Plus, to get personal here, I'm tapering off an antidepressant that I tried for six months (it was helpful until it wasn't). I've got to say this: if I had known exactly what it was like to taper off this medicine, I probably wouldn't have started it.
I have been at my very lowest. It's all out of my control: crying spells, weird outbursts of anger, sleeping close to twelve hours a night and still feeling exhausted. And then, a lovely yoga class with a visiting teacher came in to save the day. Here was the message he shared with us, and it hit me like a ton of compassionate bricks:
Love yourself at your lowest.
How beautiful is that?
It's not when things are beautiful, successful or popular that they need the most love. It's when they're ragged, wretched and lonely.
You deserve to live by that same logic: it's easy to mindlessly love yourself when you are thriving, but it's much more difficult (and therefore more important) to embrace yourself when you've reached rock bottom.
And this idea has me thinking that I can get through this season of emotional exasperation and chemical turmoil in my brain.
Here's what this all means for my blog
It also has me thinking about how honest I want to be with you on this blog. And it think the answer is this: I will be as honest as I can while protecting my heart.
This won't always be a happy blog, but my goal is to share my troubles and triumphs with you so that we can relate with one another. We all have untold stories because we fear being ostracized or judged, but these stories can actually bring us closer to ourselves and those around us.
So quit being so harsh with yourself. Allow yourself to feel the feelings, to tell the stories, to get a little more vulnerable, because you will come out stronger when you do so.
You are human, my dear. You deserve love always, even at your lowest.