Beginning Again, And Then Beginning Again, Again
A few days before my mom comes to visit, and there are bills and traffic tickets and random books and crayons covering almost every flat surface in our apartment. Clean laundry is piled on the couch, still damp.
The rabbits are lazing about the living room, surrounded by piles of hair that slowly roll through the room like tiny white tumbleweeds in the breeze of our overworked air conditioner.
There’s a subtle scent of paint in the room, since we just finished painting the trim for the second time thanks to our sweet & terrible rabbit Rorschach. Instead of repairing an entire room's worth of damage, we just decided to paint over it and leave the assessment to our landlord.
Why is this all so difficult?
Introducing the idea of a hard reset, a literal "begin again" option.
Thanks to my beautiful teachers at the yoga studio, I've started to learn about how we always have the opportunity to begin again.
With each class, we can start fresh. With each breath we can start anew. Draw a line here and it can be the moment where you stop, reset, and start again.
It's a terrifying idea, and it's easy to abandon. No matter how resolute I am that I'm going to go to the 5:45AM yoga class, I still have yet to drag myself out of the apartment any time before 8:00.
But I can start fresh tomorrow - I can try. And if I fail?
I can start over. I can begin again.
I've been having the same non-starting issues with this blog. For months, I've agonized over not feeling creative, not having time, not feeling happy enough about myself as a writer (or as a person), and it's left me completely silent on this front.
I've resolved myself no fewer than six times to start a regular blogging practice. Coffee has even convinced me that it's not only a good idea, but it's the best idea ever. But when the coffee runs out and the caffeine high dissipates, I'm back at square one thinking I can't do this.
How I'm starting over, again.
So, I'm trying a completely new approach, and beginning again for the hundredth time. My husband and I purchased a secondhand DSLR camera (on credit, of course, because money is always and forever will be a pain), and we're going to learn to use it.
Photography is a medium that I'm not fully familiar with, but I'm in need of - quite literally - a new way of looking at things.
And maybe, just maybe, it will help me return to writing, to blogging, to adventuring. I'll probably start over three more times before the camera gets here this week, but I guess that's okay.
What do you need to hit reset on?